For some reason, the atmosphere and general vibe seem to change when November nears its end. The air is dryer, and each breath you take gives you a pinching sensation. A year’s worth of dust pours over you as taxis pass their way, and – God spare me – the cracking lips that make your mouth look mummified. It feels like we’re sliding down a deep valley after a long, eventful journey. As we descend, we catch glimpses of the moments we spent with friends and family, the wishes we made earlier that year but did not hold onto for up to a month, and the times we gasped at the lemons we couldn’t turn into lemonade.
…But these all disappear rather quickly. It feels like time begins to move faster as we get into and through the last month of the year. The gasps go away, the sun shines brighter, the town is more active, and the food is suddenly tastier. It’s like everyone is running faster than ever to finish what they started throughout the year, like a high-school student cramming 6 months of lectures in one night for a test the following day. It’s naturally always left me wondering, though. Why does the end of the year feel so charming? Why do we put so much energy into the few weeks of our year?
Most superficially, it’s when we brace ourselves for the new year and write down how much we wish to change. The people we want to be, the unfinished projects we plan to finish, the events we hope to attend, the guy/gal we will confess our crush to, and you keep going…
To be frank, I’ve never understood why we wait for the new year to be who we want to be. When you think about it, it’s nothing more special than any other day. It seems we’re cowardly waiting for something that isn’t so special after all. A time we have associated with so much meaning – so much that we explicitly chose to burn through all the resources we’re left with as if it were our last days. And we hope that the new year will bring more.
But it never seems to go away, the misery, the plans that go wrong and everything else that goes with it. Heck, I’ve never really found a rational reason to be excited about December; why would I be? What would you eat that you haven’t had before? Where will you go that you haven’t gone before?
Even so, there’s something about this time that never fails to stir up butterflies in my stomach. I’m unreasonably more cheerful and impatient (though Santa’s already broken my heart on multiple occasions). And at the advent of the new year, I eagerly wait for the fireworks through the window of my room while listening to Taylor Swift and The Neighborhood.
It’s as if for every challenge we have endured over the last 300+ days, we have blessed these last few days of the year with the opportunity to wear the smile we have been denied by ourselves and others throughout most of the year.
Perhaps it’s because that’s when we feel most together, connected through a ritual we’ve conducted for the past 12 centuries. The time when we realise we haven’t shared a meal with our cousin in ages, the time when we realise the heavy grudge we’ve been carrying against someone has been doing us more harm than good, or when we just want to express to our relatives how much we are grateful to have had them with us for another whole year.
Sometimes, it’s because it feels so good to sleep extra through the fresh mornings and wake up at noon, with the bright sunlight screaming away the sleep from you more than your morning coffee could ever do. For us Christians, it’s a date we seem to have arbitrarily picked to celebrate the birth of Jesus Christ as we beg him to carry away the weight of our sins and help us start a new year clean.
And in this colourful time of the year, the months of struggle strike us as the most beautiful time we have had. It’s difficult to not be excited about that.
So when I sit here on my wooden desk while everyone else is asleep, typing these words while sipping my cold brew coffee. I find myself more wondrous and hopeful in these times that people will see in them to appreciate a bit more the myriad colours of our lives.
To appreciate the directionless journey that we are on, to find within themselves the answers they’re looking for, and to – as our every day now feels so frantic – take a moment to feel the warm sunlight of noon gently tickle their skin.
Therefore, let’s look back and appreciate the new people we met, the friendships forged and time spent together. Personally, I can’t express enough how grateful I am for the kind people I’ve met this year and the time I’ve spent with my friends – those meant a lot to me.
Thus, let’s throw away our passivity and start doing what matters most to us. Let’s forgive our friends, parents, brothers, sisters, and most importantly, ourselves for our mistakes. Let’s acknowledge where we stand right now and where we wish to be. And let’s ascertain ourselves that we will eventually find closure.
…Still, when I look at my trail from this year, I still don’t see much to be excited about. I’m writing this not because this year was particularly outstanding for me. I did not make any grand achievements or get a special offer. It wasn’t even my happiest year. Instead, this past year feels like a time when I’ve had a bit more control over my own well-being and happiness. And by the compounding effect of my decisions since the start of the year, I’ve given myself more kindness and attention than I probably ever have. It’s the first year my life feels more like my choices have had an outcome that I feel okay with (though not the best I hoped for).
So, I hope you will give yourself more love, attention, and care than you have ever given yourself from today onwards. That you will unapologetically be yourself and pursue what you want. That you will listen and find within yourself what you’re looking for.
That being so, I wish you a Merry Christmas and Happy New Year 😄. God bless!
– Josias.